


A Force more Powerful than Gravity

by pinkhimchanism



Series: A Touch Away [1]
Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Jung Taekwoon needs a hug, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pressure from society sucks, Suicide Attempt, probably bullshit medical stuff don't sue me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-06
Updated: 2017-12-06
Packaged: 2019-02-11 00:42:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12923628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkhimchanism/pseuds/pinkhimchanism
Summary: In a world in which you only start seeing colours once you've met your soulmate, Jung Taekwoon can still only see black and white, at almost 30. While everyone around him finds their soulmates and with them, their happiness, Taekwoon fails to do so and it's eating away at him.Things don't really improve when he finds himself in a hospital after a failed suicide attempt.





	A Force more Powerful than Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> Again: Warning for attempted suicide and Taekwoon suffering. He's not in a great place. 
> 
> Title taken from Satellite by Lena (even though I prefer the version by Mark Forster).

Jung Taekwoon really loved his friends, he really did, but he just wished they weren’t younger than him and all had their soulmates already. It was infuriating to be the only one unable to see colours and the only one unable to find someone who was meant for him. Sometimes he wondered if there just wasn’t anyone for him. If he would just never be able to see colours and would have to spend the rest of his life alone and colour-blind. Jaehwan kept telling him someone would come along, but he had told him this ever since Taekwoon had been 18 and Jaehwan 16. Then the latter had met his own soulmate, Wonshik, about a year later, and ever since then they had been inseparable. It wasn’t that Taekwoon held a grudge against either of them, but still, sometimes when he looked at them, jealousy reared its ugly head.

His sister had found her soulmate years ago and now it was only Taekwoon who was left in the family and he hated every single family gathering because the people would look at him, see him alone, guess… and guess correctly. He wasn’t sure if it was worse having to listen to those people telling him how you could be happy even without a soulmate or if he would rather have those giving him looks like he had crawled out of some trash can.

When Taekwoon had been younger, he had always thought it was romantic that there was this one person that was meant for you. Now, however, he found it was constricting. There was this pressure to find the perfect person for yourself, to have a perfect relationship. What if he hated his soulmate’s guts? What if the other person was not a good person? Taekwoon shuddered at the thought. Would he fall for the other person instantly or would that take its time? He had talked to Jaehwan about this, but he had just smiled and told him he worried too much. That it would come easily once he had found his soulmate. Still, the little voice in his head asking, “but what if…?” would not shut up. It was your goal in society: find the perfect partner, find The One. And it drove Taekwoon insane.

Taekwoon had, like all people, low moments. He had moments when he just lost himself in bad thoughts, when everything seemed to become too much and too loud and too stressful and nobody could predict when that would come, least of all himself. He knew it was a problem. Of course he did, you always did know you were not okay, but you were also in some deep, dark, bottomless pit and had no idea of how to ever leave it again. And once you’d managed to get out – well, you’d manage to get out again, if it ever would happen again, you had done it once, you surely could do it twice. But you wouldn’t get that bad again, surely you wouldn’t, right?

But you would, and to some degree Taekwoon had known that as well, the last time it had happened. The last time he had fought his way out of the pit without bigger casualties. 

 

 

This time he woke in hospital without any recollections as to how exactly he had got there. He felt light-headed and his head was throbbing. The thought of getting up and moving alone had him shuddering and he wanted to curl in on himself even more. It was his mother who sat next to him, he noticed. She had been dozing, probably, because when he moved a little and groaned quietly, her eyes fluttered open. Taekwoon knew his mother and he knew what it looked like when she had been crying. And her puffy eyes and the way she avoided looking at him directly were a dead give-away.

“Taekwoon, my son, my beautiful son, what are you doing?” She whispered and promptly started crying again when she hugged him, gently rubbing his back.

“I… I don’t even know what happened, mum,” he said softly and really, he had no idea what he had done. When he gently put his arms around her, he noticed the thick bandages around his wrists, the way they put a lot of pressure on his arm, how it almost hurt. And he guessed, because he had almost been there before, because last time, he had been strong enough but this time… apparently not so much. He just wished he could remember because it was disconcerting not to remember something so monumental, no matter how bad it was. He knew he wasn’t always that happy but… Had he really done this? It made Taekwoon’s head hurt.

“I’m sorry, mum,” he whispered against her shoulder because how could he pull away and look her in the eye after this? And oh, how sorry he was for this. It wasn’t as if the thought of it was particularly new to him, it was that acting upon these thoughts that was the shocking thing. He had thought he had it under control, but he obviously did not.

“You almost… You called me, and I could barely understand because you were scared suddenly but… I sent an ambulance to your apartment, Taekwoonie, and it was almost too late for you. Your dad and I were taking turns waiting for you to wake up. You lost so much blood, you didn’t wake for a whole day. The nurse said it’s normal but… It was… God, Taekwoon, I’m so glad you’re okay. So glad. I need to call your father.” She gently helped him lie down again, so gentle as if she was afraid he might break if she let him touch the pillows too harshly and maybe, maybe she was right. Taekwoon was still in shock. He had actually slipped and done this to himself. As if people didn’t pity him enough as it was. He really was looking forward to the next family gathering now. It would be a fun experience, and nobody would be able to gain more sympathetic stares than him. It was a dubious honour.

His mother stepped out of the room to call his father and in stepped a young man with an aura as if nobody would ever be able to be unhappy around him. “Hello, I’m Cha Hakyeon, a nurse.” He smiled at him and Taekwoon tentatively smiled back. “Hi,” he said quietly and self-consciously hid his hands beneath the sheets even though he knew it was kind of stupid. Hakyeon probably already knew why he was here; he was a nurse after all and probably had a rough idea of who was here and why. And if he didn’t, well, he could easily look it up. It wasn’t as if it had ever been a secret in the first place, not to Hakyeon anyway.

Also, he was pretty sure Hakyeon would not judge him or tell him exactly how stupid and cowardly his actions had been. Or at least he hoped so. Taekwoon knew as well as everyone else that he was ill and that was it. Having acted upon it still made him feel dirty, as if he was weak, but he could not expect an illness to disappear from one day to the other, especially not when he had underestimated exactly how much power it held over him.

Hakyeon ignored his move of hiding his wrists and for that, Taekwoon was grateful. “You woke up, Taekwoon. How are you feeling?”

Taekwoon shrugged. “My head hurts. I still feel light-headed. I made my mother cry, possibly the rest of my family as well. And that’s approximately how I feel. Really bad. And the worst is that I can’t even remember what happened.” And maybe he had told Hakyeon more than he had initially wanted but then again, he could hardly tell his mother most of this. She would insist he shouldn’t worry about him; he knew her. And it would not help him because he couldn’t simply stop worrying like that.

Hakyeon sat down next to Taekwoon, took the glass on Taekwoon’s bedside table and poured him some water. “Here, drink this. You lost a lot of blood. You’ll probably be really thirsty for the next while.” He held out the glass for Taekwoon and Taekwoon carefully took it, drinking a large gulp.

“As for not knowing what happened… That can happen. Your memory might come back, or it might not. I can’t promise you anything on that part. I’m not a doctor. And even they can’t really predict it.” Hakyeon sighed. “About your family… I’m sorry about that. If it helps, you’re sick. I’m not saying that in a judging way. But you will be okay again one day, okay, Taekwoon?”

Taekwoon smiled weakly because, really, it did mean a lot to him in that moment to have someone talking to him this calmly. Just then, his mother came back in and Hakyeon looked up and smiled at her. She gave him a weak smile in return, but it didn’t really reach her eyes. While she was happy about her son waking up, there was also an underlying sadness and shock that stemmed from the reasons that had brought Taekwoon here in the first place. Taekwoon just wanted to hide underneath the blankets and never have to face her again.

He wished Hakyeon would not get up and write down a set of data from the monitor next to Taekwoon’s bed. He wished Hakyeon would stay and not leave him behind with his mother. Even though he loved her or maybe because he loved her, the silence seemed to stretch endlessly between them and it was almost unbearable. Taekwoon wondered if he should fake falling asleep again, but then he actually did fall asleep again after whispering apologies to his mother. He felt so weak. 

 

 

When Taekwoon woke up again, his father was there, he, too, having fallen asleep. He was almost grateful for that. He wasn’t keen on another confrontation about his deeds during the last few days. Just as he contemplated going back to sleep, another nurse came in, a tray with food in his hands. He was probably the most handsome nurse he had ever seen. It was almost intimidating to look at him. Taekwoon braced himself for another round of potential judgement, but it never came. “Hello, I’m Nurse Lee Hongbin. Jung Taekwoon, right?”

Taekwoon nodded, a bit unsure what exactly to say. “I bring you delicious hospital food, which I hope you’ve been looking forward to all day.” He had quite the cute dimples when he smiled, Taekwoon had to admit.

“Oh, it was the actual reason I wanted to come here,” he said and smiled weakly. The joke hadn’t really been the best but Hongbin smiled regardless and for that, again, Taekwoon was grateful.

“Could have fooled me. Now, enjoy your meal. It’s not even half bad, really. I’ve tasted worse but then again, my boyfriend can’t cook for shit. Hopeless.” He laughed but Taekwoon’s smile was extremely forced. Soulmates was still a bit of a sore topic. He still wanted to find the right person and yet, yet he didn’t think it would happen. Ever. And the thought of not reaching the one goal society had set for him scared him to no end. Which he had proven already. Hongbin’s smile sank when he saw Taekwoon’s reaction, but he didn’t apologise. He had no reason to, anyway. Taekwoon didn’t want people to treat him if he was fragile and avoid certain topics around him. It would only make him uncomfortable to be around and while he was definitely an introvert, he still enjoyed social contacts every now and then.

“Do you want me to stay or should I just come back later? There’s not a lot to do right now and you’re the last room in the ward, so… I can stay. But I need to come back because I need to change your bandages.” Taekwoon thought for a moment and then looked up. “If it’s all the same to you, stay.”

Hongbin nodded and sat down in a chair next to Taekwoon’s bed as his father had taken up the one in the corner of the room which was more comfortable to sleep in.

“What’s it like, seeing colours?” Taekwoon asked because apparently, he enjoyed pain. He quickly shovelled some food into his mouth before he could say more. It really wasn’t that bad, as far as hospital meals went. Not that he had a lot of experience. The last time he had been in one was when he had broken his leg playing football as a ten-year-old.

Hongbin looked a little surprised at the question. “It’s hard to describe. It’s more vivid, really. At first, I was really overwhelmed. While my soulmate, Sanghyuk, bounced around like he was some hyperactive puppy, I hid in my room and wouldn’t come out because it was all a bit too much. It took Hakyeon to drag me out. At first, he tried the nice and understanding way, then he nagged, then he basically bodily dragged me out.” Hongbin laughed and Taekwoon looked up.

“Cha Hakyeon? The nurse who works here as well?”

Hongbin nodded. “Yes, that’s him. Our shifts overlapped today but he went home about two hours ago. We’ve been friends for ages.”  
“Is it that bad for everyone? With feeling overwhelmed? Like, how did Hakyeon deal for example?” Maybe Taekwoon was more curious than he should be, but he really did wonder. Wonshik and Jaehwan had never talked about that.

“I don’t know, actually. Maybe I’m just sensitive. And about Hakyeon… he doesn’t have a soulmate yet. He’s… alone.”

To be quite honest, that surprised Taekwoon. Hakyeon had seemed to be roughly his age and… that meant he was in the same position as Taekwoon. It made him feel a small bit better, even though it also made him feel ashamed because Hakyeon dealt with the whole thing way better than he did, that was for sure.

“Oh,” was all the older man managed as a reply and Hongbin looked ever so slightly uncomfortable with the path this conversation was heading down. “How long will I have to stay?” Taekwoon asked quietly. The mood was ruined anyway.

“Depends on how well your wrists are healing. And you’ll have to talk to Doctor Kang first, he is responsible for telling how well you are… mentally. He’s a psychiatrist. But don’t be afraid, he’s probably the purest and nicest person there is. I think he will stop by later today.”

Taekwoon nodded quietly. “But I won’t be locked up, right?” Hongbin looked uncomfortable and Taekwoon looked away. So there was at least a possibility.

“I can’t tell for sure, to be quite honest. I’m not a doctor, after all. It’s… there’s no shame in that though. I know you might see this very differently but it’s only… sometimes you need help and it doesn’t mean you’re worth any less than anyone else. It just means you need help to get back on track again, you see?”

Taekwoon bit his lip. “It’s easy to say this when you’re not the freak in the hospital bed, you know?”

Hongbin sighed. “I know. But you’ll get better.” Taekwoon sighed and put his chopsticks down. “I’m not hungry anymore. It was good, as far as meals at hospitals go. Better than this thing I had when I flew to Japan. It was horrible.” He smiled weakly.

“Well then, time to change your bandages.”

Taekwoon didn’t look at his wrists when Hongbin removed the bandages. He didn’t want to see them. Hongbin didn’t force him to. 

 

 

Remembering bits and pieces of what he had done didn’t make Taekwoon feel better in the slightest. Maybe he should have expected that reality wouldn’t necessarily be better than what he was imagining, not in this case. He had just wished there was more of an explanation to it than the sudden strong feeling of self-hatred that had overwhelmed him. The way he remembered the many times he had had the very same thought. And how he had thought this was the breaking point, right there, right then. How he couldn’t go another day, not another hour or minute.

He had regretted his decision almost immediately.

Taekwoon just curled up and stared at the ceiling, wishing he could run from his own mind. 

 

 

Doctor Kang was indeed a pure human being, probably one of the purest he had ever met. He might even reach the purity levels of some dogs Taekwoon had met. Maybe.

He seemed to constantly beam and smile, and it was hard to believe that he was a psychiatrist and would still be able to seem so happy all the time. Taekwoon wondered if it wasn’t difficult to deal with others’ issues all day every day. But probably he just wasn’t cut out for this job so that might be the easiest explanation for this.

The conversation with the doctor was easy enough. It wasn’t hard to trust Doctor Kang, not at all.

It didn’t help though. Taekwoon still felt ashamed of what he had done, and he hardly talked, up to the point where he wondered how Doctor Kang didn’t just get up and leave. But he seemed to have an endless amount of patience. Taekwoon was unsure whether he found that admirable or infuriating. But if he was quite honest with himself, it was probably the former.

“Can I go home soon?” Taekwoon asked and was well aware he sounded like a whining child that was on a family gathering where they definitely didn’t want to be. Doctor Kang either didn’t notice or he didn’t mind.

“You don’t seem to be an immediate danger to yourself right now. Though I want you to see a therapist. I can write down a few names for you and you can just see who you click with? You have to be comfortable with them after all. But to answer your question, I think you can leave again soon. I want to keep you here for a little longer, so we can see how your wrists heal. So maybe two or three days? I can’t tell for sure. I’ll consult Doctor Kwon, he’s more of an expert in this field.”

Taekwoon nodded and looked at the empty chair where his father had sat before. A short, stilted conversation with him later, he had left with an apologetic smile to buy himself a coffee. By now, Taekwoon wondered if he had gone to harvest the coffee beans himself or what was taking him so long. 

 

 

He had been crying. That was what had taken his father so long. Taekwoon wondered if there was anything worse in this universe than seeing your parents cry, especially when you knew it was because of something you’d done. 

 

 

As soon as his father had left to grab some food, Taekwoon had curled up and started crying. The tears were hot, and he felt so empty and desperate. What had he done? Why had he done this? He hated himself a little bit more for attempting this. He felt alone. 

 

 

The next morning, his mother came to visit again. She looked tired but at least her eyes weren’t quite as puffy as the day before. Taekwoon still felt guilty. “Your friends said they wanted to visit later, Taekwoon,” she announced. “And I brought you some food. Some light fruits because Doctor Kang said you’re not supposed to eat something rich yet, but I thought maybe a few strawberries would cheer you up?” It was a nice thought and even though Taekwoon still felt guilty about the whole ordeal, he smiled and took the offered fruit. Or nuts, if you were very exact but the fact that strawberries were actually nuts of all things still didn’t sit well with Taekwoon. It was wrong. “Thanks, mum. And I’m looking forward to seeing Jaehwanie and Wonshik. It’s nice of them to visit. Will… my sister come?”

His mother sighed. “Yes, she will. She promised. She was quite shaken with what you have done, Taekwoon. You… please don’t ever do that again.” And there it was, the topic he would rather avoid but granted, right now that was maybe a bit much to ask.

“I’m sorry. I promise I won’t.” His mother nodded, and the moment was over, she had heard what she had wanted, and yet the tension was still thick as ever.

“Your sister said she would try to make it this afternoon. She was here when you were still asleep.” Taekwoon nodded and wondered how bad it would be to face his sister. They were close, very close, and he didn’t doubt it had been very hard on her. He wondered if she was avoiding him. And he wouldn’t blame her because regardless of who he talked to, there always seemed to be this elephant in the room. 

 

 

Later that day, Hakyeon was back and Taekwoon couldn’t tell why it made him feel somewhat calmer. Maybe it was the fact that Hakyeon was roughly the same age as him and in exactly the same place as him, soulmate-wise. Maybe it was just the way Hakyeon seemed so cheerful and happy and how he was just not judging him. Granted, Hongbin had not judged him either, but still, it was different.

“Hello, Taekwoon, how are you feeling?” Hakyeon asked as he came in with the tray of Taekwoon’s dinner. He put the tray down on the night stand next to his bed and took a milkshake from the tray himself, apparently his own.

“I’m alright, I think. And you?”

“Good, actually. Hongbin told me earlier that he stayed with you for dinner yesterday so… you want me to stay too?” And maybe it was a little embarrassing how quickly Taekwoon nodded but Hakyeon seemed fine with it. He sat down on the chair next to him and started sipping his milkshake.

“After you’re finished with dinner I need to look at your wrists, Taekwoon. I need to make sure you don’t get inflammation or something,” Hakyeon said after a while. He had finished his milkshake and thrown the cup into the trash bin next to Taekwoon’s bed.

Taekwoon just nodded. He just hoped he would be able to avoid looking at it again today. He didn’t want to see the stitches.

Soon, Taekwoon had finished his food and after cleaning the last bits off his plate he had to accept that his bandages would needed to be changed now. Hakyeon smiled at him gently and pulled the chair closer, then took Taekwoon’s hand into his own while he reached out to unroll the bandage with the other.

The moment Hakyeon touched Taekwoon’s hand, his heart did a small jolt and Taekwoon almost wanted to hide because did he have a crush on Hakyeon now? And the stupid monitor had to beep and show exactly what his heart was doing. Wow. Thanks.

But when he looked up at Hakyeon again, he noticed his wonderful eyes in a colour he didn’t know the name of.

The new colour of his shirt and trousers.

The way Hakyeon stared at him, surprised and seemingly just as shaken as Taekwoon himself.

“Do you… see colours too?” Taekwoon asked, his voice raspy and a little higher than usually from the excitement. He was holding his breath as he waited for Hakyeon’s answer that was just a weak nod. Air rushed into his lungs again just as he could see tears forming in Hakyeon’s eyes and he squeezed his hand gently. “You’re my soulmate. I finally… I finally found you. Taekwoon,” he whispered, and it sounded as if he was trying out the way his name sounded on his tongue and it made Taekwoon feel all kinds of ways.

Taekwoon interlaced their fingers and smiled softly. “Hakyeon,” he said softly, and his heart was beating far too fast at this moment and he just wished the monitor wouldn’t make it this obvious. “Cha Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon gently lifted his hand and kissed it, then let it sink down again, laughing when Taekwoon blushed. “It’s nice to meet you. Even though I would really prefer to have met you in some really, really romantic way.”

“This is not a Disney movie, though. Deal with it.”

Hakyeon pouted. “Don’t be like that.” He sighed. “Now, to your bandages, my favourite soulmate.”

“I’m your only soulmate.”

“Then be glad I didn’t call you my least favourite soulmate.”

Taekwoon shook his head and held his arm out for Hakyeon and watched as he slowly undid the bandages, careful not to hurt him. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t look away because earlier he had been determined to do exactly that. And now… now, here he was, looking at the deep cuts and the stitches keeping his skin together. It was darker than the rest of the skin, then, right at the edges, it was a bright colour. It looked dangerous and yet alluring.

Taekwoon didn’t dare to actually look Hakyeon in the eyes when he checked the stitches. He had almost taken Hakyeon’s opportunity to ever meet his soulmate. And his own as well, but then again, that had been his own decision. Hakyeon on the other hand…

“I’m so sorry, Hakyeon,” he whispered and Hakyeon bit his lip, then pulled him close, a hand gently rubbing his back. “I’m so incredibly sorry.” Hakyeon just held him and was a comforting weight for Taekwoon to lean into. He felt so safe and warm and just home and it was so terribly cliché that he almost wanted to scream. Almost.

“I forgive you,” Hakyeon whispered and Taekwoon was glad it was that and nothing else he said because he’d rather be forgiven than be told it had been okay what he had done. It wasn’t, not to him. Yes, he knew it was also his illness, but he didn’t want to be ruled by it.

“Thank you,” Taekwoon whispered back and then pulled back from the hug. “Come on, put the new one on it.” He smiled weakly and Hakyeon nodded, gently working on his wrist, first one, then the second. “Now, you’re good to go. Taekwoon?”

“Yes?”

“I… You know those free days you get when you just met your soulmate? To get to know each other and all. I could… use them now. If you wanted me to stay, that is.”  
When Taekwoon hadn’t actually wanted Hakyeon to leave the first time they had seen each other, now it was even worse. He wanted him by his side. He wanted to get to know him.

“Please do stay, Hakyeon.”

Hakyeon’s smile could have probably blinded anyone. Taekwoon was unsure whether he was feeling this way because he was just so happy to have finally, finally, met his soulmate or if it was really some kind of magic scientists had not found out about yet. Were you destined to fall for them and that was the reason because they were your soulmate, or did you fall for them because they were your soulmate? The question confused Taekwoon and he could feel a faint headache building. Maybe he shouldn’t ask this, maybe it was as futile as asking whether the hen or the egg had been there first.

“I’ll be right back, Taekwoon,” Hakyeon said and waved awkwardly, then left the room. Taekwoon, quite pathetically in his own opinion, wished immediately he would come back. He sighed as he let himself fall back into his pillow. He wished the nagging guilt in the back of his mind about what had almost happened would disappear. Every time he thought about what could have been or rather, what could have not been, he felt like someone had pulled the floor from beneath his feet and he had to close his eyes for a small moment to regain his composure again. It had not happened. It had been avoided. He would get better. He would. 

 

 

Soon enough, Hakyeon returned to Taekwoon’s room, this time in civil clothing, which was basically just a big sweater and too skinny jeans. He waved a piece of paper at Taekwoon. “Got us colour charts, see?” He smiled as he handed Taekwoon one of the charts that had the different colours with all their names next to them on it. You could get them at basically every corner, for free, usually. You could never know when you’d meet your soulmate, after all.

“Look at me,” Taekwoon demanded as he scooted over on the bed to let Hakyeon sit there instead of the chair. Where exactly that boldness came from, he was unsure of, but he was glad he was not rejected, and Hakyeon actually sat down next to him on the bed.

“Your eyes are brown. Like, a really dark brown.” Hakyeon smiled and looked at his own colour chart.

“So are yours. I like the colour.”

“Your sweater… it’s pink. I enjoy that. It suits you, it looks happy.” Hakyeon smiled and a light blush was creeping on his face.

“Oh my god. Wonshik, they’re looking at each other sappily,” came a voice from the doorway that Taekwoon identified as Jaehwan’s. Sure enough, when he turned his head, he saw his beanstalk-like friend Jaehwan standing there. Next to him, with a hand around his waist – because Wonshik was most likely physically unable to keep his hands off of Jaehwan for, like, ten seconds – was his soulmate and another friend of Taekwoon’s, Wonshik. They both stared at him with big eyes and the question they had was rather obvious, and it almost made Taekwoon roll his eyes. But only almost because he was also too happy to have finally found his second half. Hakyeon just looked between Taekwoon and the two men by the door with a smile frozen in place and a question mark right above his head.

“Hakyeon, these are my friends Kim Wonshik and Lee Jaehwan, soulmates and basically joined at the hip. Wonshik, Jaehwan, this is… Cha Hakyeon, my soulmate.” Both men cheered loudly and hurried over to Taekwoon’s bed, almost smothering him with their bodies or the big bouquet of flowers they had brought him.

“Please don’t kill him, I only just met him,” Hakyeon said with a chuckle and the two pulled back with a slightly sheepish grin while Taekwoon looked like a cat that had plopped into a lake and only just dragged himself on land again.

Both of Taekwoon’s guests looked really happy for Taekwoon though and he couldn’t help but smile at that. Then, quite uncharacteristically, Jaehwan’s smile dropped and Taekwoon knew what was coming. “You scared us there, dickhead,” he said, and the older man wondered if the word ‘dickhead’ was supposed to sound tender. Probably not, but he didn’t mind if Jaehwan wanted to be nice. It was nicer than being judged anyway.

“I know. And I’m sorry. I… had a low moment and believe me, now that my memories are slowly coming back, I know I regretted it as soon as I did it.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes. He wondered if he could just pretend to fall asleep so he could avoid any conversation covering this topic. He knew he needed to talk about it but he also kind of really didn’t want to talk about it. Hakyeon gently took his hand and squeezed it and Taekwoon was grateful for it.

Wonshik cleared his throat after a few moments of awkward silence. “So we brought you flowers.”

“I chose them,” Jaehwan proclaimed and held the bouquet of sunflowers out to Taekwoon who took them with a smile. They definitely helped with how boring the room looked.

“Thank you, both of you. That’s really… wonderful of you two.”

Jaehwan sat down on the chair next to Taekwoon. “Now, spill. How did you meet that gorgeous man?” Taekwoon just stared at Jaehwan while Wonshik pouted, looking rather outraged, and Hakyeon laughed. How did Taekwoon deserve his social interactions being a train wreck like this? He didn’t at all, that was how.

“He’s a nurse and he works here. He changed my bandages and then he touched my hand and here we are.” Taekwoon shrugged, well aware that Jaehwan had wanted a longer story with more details.

“That’s romantic in an angsty, modern teenager way, you know?”

“Shut up, Jaehwan.”

“Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> I want to clarify that Taekwoon, in this fic, is not healed instantly because he has met Hakyeon. You don't need anyone to feel happy with yourself, you can be happy all on your own and that's perfectly fine. 
> 
> In case any of you are having suicidal thoughts, [here's a guide](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/suicide-prevention/are-you-feeling-suicidal.htm) to what you can do yourself and [here's](http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html) a list of helplines for different countries. All of you are improtant! 
> 
> If any of you want to talk to me on [Tumblr](https://pinkhimchanism.tumblr.com/) or [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/pinkhimchanism/)
> 
> And, lastly, thank you for reading!


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